Blog by Tamanna @ http://madwomanintheatticblog.wordpress.com
Recently I came across an old diary of mine wherein, with the rose tinted vision of a 16 year old, I had listed out all that I would accomplish by the time I was 21… 25…30 and so on. Going by that very orderly plan, apart from the fact that I was supposed to have the world at my feet long ago, I was also not supposed to lose sight of what my priorities in life really were – a classic case of mistaking the forest for the trees. Yes job, career, money and marriage all were and still are important. But so am “I”. Somewhere in the various roles that I play, the masks that I don, the real “me” was lost. Then I realised that what my goals and priorities were and still are- as a mother, a wife, a career woman- and as a human being needs to be redefined, yet again, perhaps on a regular basis.
I’m one of the old school people – pen and paper work best for me. There is a charm in sitting on a wooden desk overlooking the hills, picking up a pen, a fountain pen especially, and scribbling on a piece of paper- very aristocratic, very Elizabethan. The only problem is that these pages or diaries are quite likely to get misplaced at best or completely mauled by your child-dog duo. Besides once again the risk of just focusing on the tangible goals or life visions looms large- “lose 5kgs in next 2months”; “get a promotion in next 6 months”- all tangible and thus easy to define. What happens to the not so tangible things but those that probably matter infinitely more- “don’t fly off the handle at every instance, learn to take time out daily for yourself, read more, and spend more time with your family”. Is there a chance that, without guidance, I’ll jot down these things? I don’t think so.
Then I came across LAYWI (Life as you want it). Truth be told, my initial reaction was nothing very positive. I mean I’ve never been too fond of the management/corporate and self help lingo. Stating everything in black and white seemed a bit too childish. How was I supposed to “define myself”, “refine” and “align”? As I kept browsing through the pages, there seemed a method to the madness most of all in the “well being section” that talks of “physical”, “mental”, and “spiritual” well being. Yeah I’ve heard of all that plenty. But when it came to articulating what I aspired to in that sphere, specially the mental and spiritual, I was at a loss. And therein, I realised, lay my problem. When you cannot articulate something, how can you pursue it, let alone realise it? Yes we all want peace, calm, no stress but what do we do towards realising it? Pretty much nothing. Chasing impossible deadlines at work day after day, spending lesser time with yourself and your dear ones and we wonder why we have no peace or calm!
As I switch on my laptop every morning, I simultaneously log into LAYWI. I’m far from even filling in all my life’s goals or the like but am beginning to get a clearer picture of what is it that I truly want and value in life. A “well being” goal of spending more time with my son has made me realise the need for such time to be other than that devoted to school work and the urgency of not shouting him down at every pretext. At the end of each day, we just lie down and discuss his life’s big plans. Am I sleeping better after that? Way better than I did after finishing off some office assignment in the middle of the night. And with LAYWI it’s just the beginning of a life much better managed and thus much better lived. It’s finally the beginning of life as “I” want it !!
I’ve never been a great one at penning down.